My initial idea for Confessions of a Fancy Nerd, was actually a bit broader. For some reason, I read some books and some blogs about blogging and conformed to some regular standards, like finding a niche. I lost sight of the fact that the point of writing this blog, was, simply, because I enjoy writing. I had just completed a magazine journalism course and had so enjoyed the online writing component of the course and wanted to put what I had learnt into practice.
The original title, reflecting the very real inconsistencies in people in general, and in myself, was to be something more like: Confessions of a Fancy Nerd: Adventures of a reader, writer, thinker-doer, introvert-extrovert, semi-vegetarian, with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue, interested in health, wellbeing, simplicity and finding my own path to happiness.
In the last year, my life has changed dramatically. I have started my own business, contracting in projects. I met the love of my life, and we are now having a baby and getting married. I am also converting to Catholicism (from Anglicanism, so not a giant leap). In true Fancy Nerd form, I have been reading widely about these things, but it is has still been a big adjustment. I am learning a lot about myself in this process and have been evaluating my goals, dreams, hopes, desires and even my everyday habits.
When confronted with a new life, and a new way of living, it seems natural to question how you have done things previously. And for me, what my bottom lines are. During my first trimester of pregnancy, when I was desperately exhausted and unwell, I had thought writing was something that needed to go. That my precious energy needed to be saved for my baby and my relationship (and work and my health etc.).
Now that I am emerging from my cloud of pain, fatigue and panic, I see that I was just overwhelmed. I went into survival mode. Planning a wedding, gestating, working, continuing to get to know my love, taking religious classes and trying to stay well in amongst it all is rather hard.
But in the stillness that the December/January slowdown has provided I have found a few incontrovertible truths:
- I need to read, write, walk the dog and generally spend time alone – I recharge in the way of the introverted
- I struggle to socialise in big groups, they drain me, especially if I haven’t had enough down time (and I am particularly tired)
- I will compromise too far in order to make my loved ones happy
- I have found the “bottom line” – my new go-to decision-making process, when I am feeling anxious, overwhelmed and on the verge of tears (surprisingly regular with pregnancy!) – I ask, is baby healthy? Am I well? Is my love happy? Would I be unhappy or just not particularly happy by this decision?
So, I got a bit lost. And I got a bit stuck.
I’m looking forward to learning, growing, reading, writing and sharing this journey this year. Look out for new content and (eventually) a new look.